Day 81: The Toilet Of Myopia
Even The Toilets Tell Stories At The Museum Of London
Life is always life. Ebbing and flowing, cluttered-clotted atoms, milling and bouncing, ever expanding. Billions and billions of multi-coloured fragments of life crowding around us so I suppose it is no surprise that I can get trapped in the detritus of dark, scowling, scummy, eddies of stuff.
Monday was a slow, muggy day with a slam up against the wall before bedtime, Tuesday had an excited Jimney Cricket zest for life with a gentle, cruisey cushion of an end to the day. By wednesday the pendulum had swung back around and my day became magnetised around the email that told me that I hadn’t got the job I was interviewed for on Monday; plunging me back into the toilet of myopia, gazing up into the bottom crack of twisted bitter self. I struggle to extricate myself to be the observer, in fact I didn’t make it, like a spider trying fruitlessly to get traction on the sheer ceramic sides I just kept slipping back and getting more and more frantic and wound up. Everything I touched kept reflecting where I wasn’t; webinars about the gifts I wasn’t using, newsletters about the things I wasn’t doing to make money, even yoga turned out to be a standoff with a belligerent bunch of OAPs.
By the end of the day Thursday’s commitments began to crowd in on me; I had another interview and had a packed diary of trips to make best use of my daily travel pass. I had to realise that whatever about my casual meetings my commitment to travel across London to see a friend just out of hospital would be a disaster in my current state of mind. Stuck in the commitment of it rather than the joy I knew cancelling my trip was the best decision but I felt pretty crap about being a wimp to my emotional state. My friend was beautifully magnamous assuring me she was having plenty of visitors and somehow I was slowly hoisted up to the lavatory seat. I realise now that deliberately choosing to fail at this one thing resurrected me to the bigger picture of life. Instead of fussing about my day ahead, making sure that I could demonstrate that I had read and researched for my interview, checking out suggestions for lunch, planning precise timings and details I decided that the most important thing was to be comfortable and rested. Somehow I managed to creep to bed frayed but calm, raw but surrendered.
100 Days of Awe is a playful project I set up to bring my attention to awe in my daily life. I see awe as wonder, a mixture of amazement and respect. I expect the experience of awe to be about perception shifting awareness and that demands a reframing of some sort. I am excited to see what will awe me on this journey.
Anne K. Scott is an imagination technologist, her work to teach, facilitate and deliver innovation for individuals and business. She is the creator of FindYourMojo a FREE iPHone productivity app. If you are interested in what intuitive coaching can do for you please do contact me. I support clients all over the world.