A is for Anne
I blogged about my personal adventure with The Money Shaman free eCourse some weeks ago. I started this year knowing that my relationship with money was not serving me. For over 20 years I worked as project manager and consultant in leading edge technology; for big corporates and small software houses. I served up solutions designed by management consultants and dabbled in start up investment and mentoring. I freelanced; chose my contracts, my hours and in many cases worked from home. I earned great money. I could take time out to travel the world, to do a Masters degree and generally indulge myself.
But there was a niggle; I was always dancing to someone else’s tune. All the work I did was about increasing productivity and efficiency, it was called transformational; businesses were changed, staff surplus to requirements or not able to cope with the new technology were made redundant, work became more automated, less personal. My excitement about the creativity at the leading edge of the technology revolution was tarnished by the perversion of it to serve pursuits of money and power.
The transformation I am truly interested in is that of the human spirit through the courage of the human heart. Since I chose that journey I have stepped away from the structures that have defined my value and have struggled to grasp it on my own. Even though I am doing what I love I have seen my bank balance plummet.
Wealth does not equal money but neither do I believe that it excludes money. I create financial magic in my day to day life and regularly experience living abundantly but I do have debt, a mortgage and projects I want to invest in. Money is a reality in the world I live in, resisting it turns it into the elephant in the living room. I read blogs and articles to expand my possibilities so the title and a cursory read of Davide’s latest blog How To Truly Value Yourself struck a chord. What I hadnt accounted for was the impact of sharing this article, receiving unexpected feedback and then being compelled to revisit it and question what truly resonated for me.
It is easy to put my focus on the failings of any article e.g. spelling mistakes, projections on to others, assumptions I dont agree with and Davide’s is no different or I can dive into it, immersing myself and choosing to come out the other side with pearls of wisdom to add to my treasure chest.
So here we go http://www.themoneyshaman.com/index.php/money-shaman-blog
I love Davide’s idea that when we undervalue our gifts and talents we will get an ass kicking from the Universe; not because of any sadistic desire to have little old me ass-kicked by King Kong (the 3D version of which is incidentally an Universal Studios production) but because of the feedback loop; that the value I put on myself is reflected back to me. To conclude that my current financial situation is a direct reflection of how I value myself serves me to look at what I am responsible for rather than railing against external circumstances or buying into believing that I am inherently wrong or valueless.
So when Davide talks about working with tyre-kickers or time wasters, I see that too as a direct reflection of how I value myself. So when one of my followers pointed out – ‘to label anyone a ‘tyre-kicker’ and a ‘waste of time’, is to deny our common humanity and results in cutting both myself and the other person short’ I had to own that projecting these definitions onto others becomes a strategy to avoid the pain of my choice to put my energy into an activity or relationship that is not fully aligned with my heart. Ouch.
Poignant as that realisation is there is more. I cannot engage experientially with the rest of Davide’s blog precisely because I am not currently working with anyone who doesnt value what I offer. Painfully that is not because I have it all sorted but because the number of paid client hours I do is a tiny percentage of the time available to me. Much of what I do is tilling the garden of what I want to create; the invisible iceberg – you cant see the books I am writing, or apps and online product I am bubbling into being, you wont see my nascent workshops being advertised – yet – or the itinerary of my next adventure but it is all here with me in my studio of curiosity and creativity. But, there is also time spent in distraction, dreaming and avoidance of visibly standing in my own authority.
What is obvious is that I would LOVE more hours working with clients who get what I bring to the table, to harvest what I sow; not just to test the next level of Davide’s blog but to powerfully wield the premise that the value I put on myself is the value I will receive; to master heart centred calibration, to channel my essence to where it serves and pour my life force into bringing and creating value.