Growing into a Mountain

“I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth I will apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.” ~ Og Mandino 1923-1996, Author

IMAG2431View from Stoos, Schwyz, Switzerland

Reecently I was asked to make a promise, a commitment, to 3 of the most important people in my life about the vision of the life I would love to create, the why that drives me and the key goal I am actioning to to make that real. The idea is to create accountability.

Over the past few years I have come on a journey which has pushed me to drop away from needing the support and opinions of other people – and in fact have just unravalled yet another thread of that and I am sure there are more – to get to a place where I am first and foremost accountable to me and my heart.

In the space after I was asked to make that promise I observed the arousal of a bevy of voices. The first argued for the safety of keeping my visions under wraps until goals are successfully achieved before announcing them with fanfare. An option that also allows for goals that falter to be swept neatly under the carpet of failed achievements, keeping life nice and orderly.

Then there was the voice that honed in on the definition of ‘important people’ now who might they be? I don’t have a partner or children, all of my family live in another country and friends well yes I do have some of those but how would I work out who the most important three would be? Obviously this is a dead end street that takes me way off track, a muddy road with spinning wheels.

And then there is the voice that cuts through that smoke screen but posits why would I bother anyone on a busy weekday morning to wax lyrically about some vague vision, a grandiose why and a goal that I have been struggling consciously to achieve for over 5 years?

There are the friends who love me, who would tolerate this and would murmur silky words of encouragement. There are the friends who would humour me but chuckle at my quirkiness and want to get a date in the diary for the next hooley, my Mother who thinks I am wonderful as long as I am happy and eating, my ever pragmatic sister-in-law who just might use the f-word and there are members of my long puzzling family whose response would range from stoic silence to enraged pronouncements of my ever growing list of failures.

My choices to go for succour and sustenance or hell fire and brimstone. In that space the voice of caution and safety in the house carpeted over the underlay of dead dreams is winning out. My head space is choca block with playing out potential, possible and certain scenarios while my vision, my goal and my action plan go on the back burner. Yes I have been down both roads before and neither appeal so rather than stand stuck at this crossroads my choice is a middle way.  I am blogging my deepest internal machinations; my fear of rejection, the incontrovertible evidence of my past that demonstrates my incapability, my lack of will, backbone, consistency, energy, my ever sparky heart that clings to the fantasy because I know from experience that my thoughts and feelings are not a true reflection of reality.  I fervently believe that the most important person to be accountable to is ME and I know that I am fessing up to that more and more but I also choose to be seen out in the world so despite the voices I hereby share with you the vision for my life, my big why and what I am focusing on to make that happen.

My vision is to be fully alive IN life; to create a beautiful home base with space in nature, to actualise an intimate relationship with a partner and my family. To work on projects that serve me and others to be fully alive IN life, to do what brings me joy; travelling, writing, sharing my experiences, peeling away the layers of the onion of life for myself and with others. To create a solid tangible sense of who I am in the world, product perhaps like my apps, or books or both! To take responsibility for whatever I create and to engage my will to take wise action to keep me on track to my TRUE end results. To continually step into the void to find out more about the REAL me, to know that journey is never ending, it is all about fine tuning.

My why is to play full out; to wring out every bit of my talent and essence without worrying about what the crowd has to say, without concern about being logical or rational, without fearing the consequences.

The goal I commit to is to increase my wealth by claiming and activating my talents. It calls me to own what gives me joy and to trust that joy is all I need.

This post was inspired by Ann Wilson, The Wealth Chef’s 30 Day Money Makeover Challenge which I love because of the internal dialogue that it brings up and this is where I am getting my learnings and my insights.

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